v. 72 How To Stay
Welcome to Life, Created — a weekly(ish) reflection on the wisdom of being a grown-ass human and staying curious when the world’s on fire. Rooted in microjoys, meaning, and the moments that make it all worthwhile.
A note before the essay: I’m working with folks 1-on-1 again, and I’d love to work with you. You can learn more and book a session here.
Dear friends, a brief acknowledgement: Thank you for continuing to read and for your generosity in supporting my work. The shape of my days has changed quite a bit since moving back to Brooklyn and and adding teaching back into my life. (Did I tell you that I’m teaching at FIT again?) I’m writing this as a very famous actor is sitting next to me with his fam at our local cafe. So, yeah, life is different. With that said, I’ve not been writing Life, Created consistently. To stay in integrity, I’ve paused all Substack payments until I’m able to write more consistently. Of course, you will still hear from me but perhaps not as often as I’d once promised. I’ll also be launching a few exciting gatherings, courses and things in the coming months so stay tuned for that. I am an educator who stopped teaching for a long time. Silly me. I’ll be rectifying that soon.
Now, on to this week’s essay.
I’ve noticed a real shift in who I’ve become over the past six years and honestly, I’m not sure I always like it. I’ve become complacent and incredibly nostalgic and I’m noticing something similar collectively, too.
The world is overwhelming right now (have you seen the news lately?) and because of that we want our lives to feel as easy as possible. I get it. In theory, this makes perfect sense. It’s easier to experience easy. Everything and everyone is at our fingertips. We don’t need to talk to one another because we can text, Slack, WhatsApp, email or comment on social media. I’m sure there are more ways to communicate that I’m blissfully unaware of. (Also, I’m quite proud to note that I’ve never actually used Slack.) The idea of picking up a phone and talking feels unnecessary and time consuming. And who has time these days anyway!? We just don’t “need” to talk anymore. We don’t have to go to the food store because we can have our groceries delivered. And if you’re in a major city, you can even have a Michelin-starred restaurant meal delivered, too. When we get coffee, getting eye contact is like pulling teeth but it doesn’t even matter because we can have the fancy coffee on our countertop at home. (Oh and we can have those pods delivered so there’s also that.) And challenging conversations? No need, just walk away. Deflect! Ignore! Subtly or unsubtly. Hell, just avoid them altogether by keeping things shallow and…easy. No need for depth or honesty in relationships when we can just drink and talk about everything except THE ONE BIG THING.
It almost always feels easier to walk away (or find something less hard), to not deal with the “thing” in front of you, whether that’s a rift in a relationship that needs healing or the oil change in your car that is long overdue. And frankly, it’s something I see more and more of in our quest for a frictionless culture. (Frictionless must be the word of 2026, I’ve heard it SO much.) I notice it in myself, too. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having groceries delivered or making our days a bit easier. But I wonder how much that expectation of ease has carried over into what we expect from one another. When we can remove so much inconvenience from our lives, do we begin to treat anything complicated as simply not worthwhile?
We want ease, instant access and all the options for everything. Human interaction, meanwhile, requires thought or care or…contact. We can take pictures of strangers and use Google Lens to see where their romper is from instead of just asking them. Me, I did this. It was me. We can spend hours a day online scrolling other people’s lives instead of living our own. Or alternatively, record every single moment of our days to share with the world rather than actually experiencing it. (No, I don’t need to see a video of you walking into your office to get the experience of living your life.)
So many of the tools meant to bring us closer together seem instead to pull us further apart from anything real. And within that is something we don’t seem to notice or discuss enough: how easily we walk away when things get hard. Because everything and everyone feels so accessible, perhaps we begin to treat them as though they have less inherent value. And in a culture with limitless ways to busy ourselves, we simply move on. Sometimes we quietly cut people out of our lives by ignoring them or deflecting in a quest for “self care” and protecting our mental health. To be clear, mental health awareness is having a necessary reckoning, and leaving a harmful relationship is different from avoiding a difficult conversation. I’m talking about the inconvenience of doing something that feels challenging or not fun in that moment. Instead of having thoughtful, even if difficult, conversations in an effort to respect and value our relationships, we avoid them.
So what do we do from here? I have a few thoughts, but certainly not all the answers. To begin with, we have to stay in relationship with ourselves and others. We must, as hard as it feels, stay present inside a life that requires nuance and conflict without putting our heads in the sand. We have to once again learn to slow down and sit with ourselves instead of trying to resolve something in a sentence and move on, unchanged. We’ve got to allow ourselves to BE CHANGED. We have to learn to show up even when things are difficult, accepting the mess of life without needing to resolve it and recognizing what’s actually ours to carry. So, yes, we have work to do. And it’s worthwhile work that I know we are capable of. And this is how we’ll bring ourselves back, to ourselves and one another. Maybe the life we need isn’t the easiest one, but the one we’re willing to be fully present for.
P.S. It’s long overdue but conversations like this are part of the work I’ll be bringing back. Getting us in a room together (virtually and IRL), with a little guidance and some good questions, to have the conversations we don’t always make time for. More on that soon. Feel free to reply and let me know if that sounds interesting to you. I mean, I’ll be doing this anyway but I love hearing from you so…lemme know, will ya?
Every essay features a section called “One Fine Microjoy” – an experience, place, or thing that brings me joy, grace, and hope amidst life’s ups and downs. I hope it invites you to recognize and appreciate the delights that ground, inspire, and enrich our journey.
C’mon, you know I had to take this picture.
This week’s microjoy: Walking miles and miles a day and never arriving at any particular place. Over bridges and along streets, the clean ones and the filthy ones, stopping at a cafe for a fantastical combination of coffee or for ube ice cream at the newest spot in Chinatown or stopping to lay on the grass at a park for no particular reason at all except to feel something solid underfoot. Wearing Birkenstocks in October because the weather is decidedly unsure of itself.
P.S. Per usual, if this resonated with you- repost, comment, share and spread the word.
With love, wisdom [and small mercies] from Brooklyn. xx
Want to support Life, Created?
🗣️ HIRE ME: When you (or a colleague) are looking for an amazing speaker for your next conference, gathering or event—the wait is over, you can book me. Here’s more info. And of course, pickup copy of my latest book, MICROJOYS.
🥰 ENGAGE: Share this essay and your (kind) thoughts in a comment below #BecauseCommunity
🙏🏽 SPREAD THE WORD: Forward it to your fave people. Share, Comment, Restack!
🧡 FOLLOW: over on Instagram and LinkedIn, too.
